Saeng il chu ka hae

Tanjoubi omedetou

生日快乐

Happy Birthday ~!!

itoshii dachi

my last post.

he no longer exist anymore.
don't bother to call his name.
because what becomes is just what you see he is now.
there is not more friends that the few that remains.
fucking serious.


TK is the last witness of the previous "him",
and also the first witness of who he became.

long ago he said,

"whoever cares for real, will care no matter what,
whoever doesn't, just won't bother to care at all."

Now on, "Friends" are people who prove themselves ENOUGH to convince him they really are.

Loyalty becomes worthless...

EVERYTIME i set my heart to Love someone,
i've already anticipated hurts, disappointments, heartaches, etc
i'll BE HONEST in telling the pain i go through... to the beloved.

Love DOES NOT fear, if i Love someone, i have to courage-up myself to be honest on my feelings as well..... don't play hide and seek.

disappointments, already i'm READY to take.
i just hope it's not for too long

but DON'T CARE about my words or my feelings..........
i don't want you to 'treat me better' for the sake of
'gratitude' or because you don't want to disappoint me

JUST LET ME TAKE the pain or disappointments.
it's one definite thing anyone has to BEAR if they say they Love.

if you will treat me better, do it...
ONLY if you feel Love for me too.

Otherwise don't bother about my sufferings from Loving you.
LOVE is ONE-WAY...

if it comes back to me from your side,
it's still NOT Two-Ways,
it's YOUR ONE-WAY to me.

so i shall appreciate it for what it is.

doesn't matter how long it is.......
if i Love you for real, it doesn't just give up.

honestly, it hurts all the time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friend ask: "i tot loving someone suppose to be something happy?"

jave replied:

HAPPY because the "cost" was

... PAIN, but rewarded with LOVE
TEARS, rewarded with truthful SMILES
PATIENCE in uncertainty, rewarded with ASSURANCES
IGNORANCE, rewarded with ACKNOWLEDGMENT
and REJECTION, rewarded with ACCEPTANCE

别拿人的好当废草除！？ 要玩的，就确认自己玩得起！

reply to YV:


i am NOT the same, sorry.

what made me so angry? LOL!!! ANOTHER "FEW LIES" LO~ what else?!!?!!!

one "friend" borrowed money from me last month
RM300 ... i just simply asked why, and gave him...... i asked, "when return? *smile*"
he say soon, when he get his salary.......
few days after that i met him again, he tell me FEW DAYS MORE and he'll return me the money.
mark that word, HE HIMSELF said FEW DAYS MORE

now over 2 weeks, no news nevermind. last night ask TK call him check. he say later at night call me, NO CALL.
TK call him ask again, then he say he doing things, 'tomorrow' (means today) will call.
hell yeah~ i WAIT, i VERY PATIENT de~ =) i see today he call or not.

then TK last night ask me, "what if he don't call?" ... i say, "1 month, that's all i'll give him."

then silent for loooooooooooooooooooooooong time...... then TK ask... "and what happens after one month?"
i answer, "i'll get people wack him up."

TK laughed, he ask... "you serious ar?"
i answer, "I AM NOT WHO I WAS!!! i don't mind if he tell me you CAN'T PAY, need at least HALF A YEAR, i ALSO CAN GIVE~ NO PROBLEM! ... all i ask for is to be HONEST. he don't go tell me one thing, then do another thing! Now he himself say 'FEW DAYS' will return, i wait TWO WEEK i also haven't count on it... now he say tomorrow call, MAKE SURE he call!"

continued... "if not, i'm MORE THAN KIND to give ONE MONTH. "

TK say... "are you sure you want to do this? it's not like you..."
i answer... "do i still have to be good? what type of friend i was for so many years?! you don't know??!! Now since my last relationship, gf, bestfriend, closest friends, ONE BY ONE NON-STOP turn their backs against me! WHAT DID I DO??! what the fuck is this?!"

TK O__O!! ... kept quiet, then clap hands... laugh and say, "waaaa! john first time say the F word..... good good."

i continued. "so Angel you reject, i don't care don't care also you don't want, so you want the DEMON eh?! YOU GET IT! ...... Kok Tong (a friend i know very long) knows what type of person i am, he KNOWS the kind of enemy i am when i take revenge! that's why when he introduce me to his friend that time he said: john's polite, and very good to be friend with, but just DON'T BE HIS ENEMY."

you think he's joking?! because he is the only friend who knows how heartless i can be when i'm really provoked and exceeded my tolerance limit.

that is also why you may see i'm not those fun fun type guy, cool guy, but still many friends used to follow me around... those who know me more than 7 years DON'T HELL WANT TO MESS WITH ME. they are those who saw the kind of person i was when i fight!

i don't fear the blade, i don't fear blood, i don't fear the pain of being hit by a damn fist!
i TAKE, and i GIVE ONE BACK! and make sure he get it WORSE than me. that's WHO I AM when i fight, AND NOW!!

i don't care if that guy WAS a friend or not, "friend" is a PAST! what remains now is whatever he has to do with me, you OWE me something, you PAY ME BACK if you say so! OTHERWISE don't even say a thing. i don't hell care about the money, RM300 i don't have meh??! but all that matters to me is HONOUR, you SAY SOMETHING, YOU DO IT!!

i only gave him chance because he is joshua's close friend, but don't fucking take people's "good" for granted! unless he really wants to see how i can play with him

the word remains: "a Friend Loves at ALL times, and a brother is born FOR adversity."
by THIS VERSE, i'll see for myself WHO is a friend.
i'm dark, i'm evil, i enjoy seeing pain. can't love that kind of me? then ask that person just fuck off! DON'T EVEN DARE say is my "friend"

or i'll teach him what FRIEND means with my fist! damn it

and don't anyone fucking say "care" or "love", i hear that word again i WON'T TOLERATE!
if care, CARE FOR REAL! LIVE IT WITH ACTIONS THAT PROVES! THAT SHOWS!!! if LOVE, MAKE SURE don't fail to persevere! Or it is all but LIES! LIES!! AND LIES!!!!!

there are people who say "care", care for few months see no improvement on the person they care then don't care that much already........... THIS CALL "CARE"???
OH I SEE~~~

say love how real how strong how true.......... love after a while feel very xinku then GIVE UP, THIS CALL "LOVE"??????!
OH I SEE!!!!

*please NOTE & REMEMBER this if you're my Friend. i how bad mood also, i don't reply in words also, I NEVER EVER "DON'T RESPOND" to MY FRIENDS de. At most is later i will call back if i didn't pick up earlier, or i will sms. if i don't want to talk, i'll let my Friend know i don't feel like talking. But i'll make sure i CONTACT my friend when i'm better. NO POINT talking in bad mood, makes things worse for friend only... that's why sometimes i seem to be just quiet. i NOT LIKE SOME PEOPLE, totally IGNORE & NO-RESPONSE even AFTER FEW DAYS one... like this call "friend" eh??!

yes, i buy a lot recently. today just spent another RM117 for lunch... but BETTER than spending for useless friends who doesn't shit care about how you feel!
isn't it?! i saved NOTHING for myself every month since 2 years ago... all the time spend for friends - presents, gifts, meals, cinema, pool, arcade, cc, travel, WHATEVER!
so why still spend on them?! i will now only spend for MYSELF, my blood-brothers, my family, and a FEW Friends who still remain in good terms with me. THAT's ALL there is to it!

thanks for your patience.

i may have a unyielding, absolute, straight-to-the-point, and CAN-BE cruel heart now... but i still understand what is GRATITUDE, i know RESPECT, i know MANNERS, i know APPRECIATION to whoever remain patient & good to me, and i know HONOUR.

have good day..


*(please pull back from being my friend NOW if you think you can't accept the kind of person i became. Otherwise if you still take me as a Friend, i hope you really do MEAN IT. Thanks...)


jave

my world is sinking...

Got a group doing filming right behind my office that road!
don't know what movie lehs~
the actress soooooooooooooo pretty! (><)"
很美噢~~~

demo ne~ Akihiro say: “きれいな物には毒がありますね。”
he say pretty pretty de things got POISON de...
true also la... when go clubs see many many lengluis
but how many of them are still virgin de..
so many of them 喜欢喜欢 hug here hug there,
see lengzai then simply let people kiss let people touch...

sien...

prostitutes also, pretty pretty but don't know why go do all that...
money so nice mehs... =s
Everyone has a story, it still doesn't make a reason
for one to throw his/her own dignity!
unless you say the life of your loved one is in danger,
well... i can comment nothing if that's the case lo...

recently my area many filming taking place...
the school opposite my housing area also got.

last night, a girl-friend told me that girls view Love between
bf-gf & Love between girls about the same...
that it is the same kind of Love...
no wonder girls can kiss each other & always hold hands
and still doesn't seem to be awkward...

i can't deny the fact that i'm really disturbed sometimes...
why is it that girls can have many "loves", it's just so, weird.
And they expect themselves to be the ONLY ONE
their bf or husband love... laughs...?

i don't know what to trust or believe in.
whatever picture or beliefs i had were all destroyed...
thought of living life just as it is,
what comes, comes; what goes, goes...
yet why do i still bother to hold myself...
i still can't seem to allow myself into one relationship halfheartedly.

sometimes, i just hate myself for being different...
for what crap do i insist on those principles...
like anyone appreciates it... people cling more to those who
DON'T GIVE A DAMN about being faithful!

What's happening to the world! damn it...

何時も...

愛しいだち...... 好好照顾自己，要为妈妈坚强。
水要记得喝，胃口再不好也吃一点点好吧…？
随时你需要一点鼓励，和支持的：

この愛しいだちが君を守り続けて為に
何時も君の傍から去らないでしょう。
どこにも行かない......　何時もの約束だ。

３年前から今までと同じ、
僕は君と共にあるんだ。

ほら～　如何なっても、希望を諦めちゃだめよ。
相変わらず強くで生き続けてください...

何時かまた会おう　～

Nickleback - If Everyone Cared

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars with satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing A-Amen, I, I'm alive (I'm alive)
Singing A-Amen, I, I'm alive

[Chorus:]
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day, when nobody died

And I'm singing
A, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, Amen I, Amen I, I'm alive

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
Would show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

Singing A-Amen, I, I'm alive (I'm alive)
Singing A-Amen, I, I'm alive

[Chorus x2]
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
Then we'd see the day, when nobody died

When nobody die ...

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody die ...
We'd see the day, we'd see the day,
When nobody die ...
We'd see the day when nobody died

どうしましたか。

i don't know what happened
somehow i feel i'm no good
that i couldn't keep up with you
that i know nothing about it

even though i try to be concerned
approaching you one day or another
just to ask about your every day
just to hear that you're doing fine

but when you don't wish to talk,
i promised not to force you...
but the way i felt 3 years ago,
today i still feel the same...

anything may happen, and i remain who i was
i know i can't do much, but i do care for real...
because as much as you're true in this Dachifune,
i was, am, and intend to still continue to no end.

forgive me i can do so little as your itoshii dachi
if only i have no worries in life, wealthy & free,
i would have always been there...
always been there... to do more...

i'll shut-up & listen, whenever you feel like sharing it.

the path of a person who Loves is lonely,
it bears a lot, perseveres a lot, waits a lot.
my body is at its limit although it not as late
but because i haven't been sleeping...

my left eye swollen, no good rest, tired...
i wish i could do more... so much more......
but my energy just fails on me!

as much as i am to you and beyond, you're really
my Most Beloved Friend, and always...

ただ一人"itoshii dachi" なんだ。
ほかの人がいない。しっかりして！

強くなるよ！ 元気になってね～！

Fish Story... =)

jave:
play fishing need a lot of PATIENCE one you know

partner-fish:
hahaahahaha
i no patient

jave:
then you must find a patient FISH instead. LOL!!!
so patient that the fish will go find your hook

partner-fish:
hahahaha..
i don't find FISH, i oni let FISH find :P

jave:
getting to know guys/girls when we're single is like playing fishing... just that some people go to the highly-populated sea, some go to low-populated one... some don't even fish... they wait fish jump out from sea to land and reach them
LOL! aiks~ i'm such a genius~ xD

partner-fish:
u perasan lah..

jave:
some, they don't care what sea they go, they just throw the hook into the sea, then do their own thing... sometimes got fish bite they also don't know, no fish bite that time pula go check check... then in the end say, "cheh, no fish also~"

partner-fish:
u go write novel le.. LOL

jave:
i think i'm the 2nd last kind... i sit on ground wait fish jump out
xD

partner-fish:
ya meh.. no la
u sit on ground wait while looking for a fish u want.. HAHAHA

jave:
HOW to look for a fish on GROUND? ._.'''
oh i know... go to pasar to find those fish people catch already and want to sell or throw away liao de right?

partner-fish:
yea la
LOL

jave:
aih.. sad la.. no people want until i must take dead fish or not fresh de
LOL xD

partner-fish:
LOL

jave:
this time!!! nevermind, i will be fish this time
i go find hooks xD

partner-fish:
hahahahha.. let ppl catch eh?

jave:
see this fish so PASSIONATE you know
although i passionate fish, but i don't simply let people catch one
i want be like my "dream hero", that is Nemo's father... take all the risk of being catched and risk dying also go find his son..
so i will risk all the nets and hooks to find that ONE hook i'm looking for~
fuiyo~ =x

partner-fish:
LOL hahahah..
hope you'll find the HOOK soon le~
remember to introduce the HOOK owner to your PARTNER fish :P

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

i find the "KEY" first
the ocean VERY big, VERY HARD to find
find liao next time open liao then i go find hook
=)
Or unless i upgrade become fisherman at that time~ then i no need find
xD
做太多好心事了, so i can upgrade. get rewarded with 7 Halos~

partner fish busy talking to another fishie jor~ =(

*swim 1 round, 2 round, glance partner-fish.. haih still busy... swim 3 round, 4 round, GLANCE again.. haih still busy... swim 5 round, 6 round, GLANCE~! HAIH...... continue swim round, round, round, round roouuuund...........*


LOOOOOOOOOLLLL~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!! =D

Chronicles of Kingdom Hearts Romance

i couldn't believe, i didn't sleep the whole night...
i wrote an sms: "tired.. but can't sleep."
but when i press send, i don't know who to send to.
LOL~ i thought of her, but i didn't want to disturb...

then at 21/8/2009, 05:24 AM, Friday.

pinky sent a message: "halo.."

then i realized my mobile phone is MISSING!!!
searched, searched, and searched... GONE!!!!!

searched, SEARCHED, and searched... almost 06:00 AM.
i decided to call Kee Swan ask him see in his car not...
after 10 minutes call him again, YES!!! it's with him!
hurrayz~ he passed to me EARLY IN THE MORNING..
*applause for HERO* LOL~

then at 06:15 AM

MSN offlined...... immediately after that... pinky sms-ed
sms-ed.. sms-ed.. sms-ed.. sms-ed.... sms-ed...........
sms-ed..... sms-ed.. sms-ed... sms-ed....... sms-ed....
sms-ed.. sms-ed.. sms-ed.. sms-ed.. sms-ed.. sms-ed..
sms-ed......... sms-ed.... sms-ed.. sms-ed...............
sms-ed........... sms-ed.............. sms-ed..............

08:28 AM ... napped few minutes, rushed to wash-up,
change, pack, and OFF TO WORK~


crazy day

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

21/8/2009, 13:28 PM, Friday.

friend:
jus finish ur blog..ur partner-chan, not bad o...dao dao u got alot of partner

jave:
(=_=)!! ......
i only got ONE partner
ONE itoshii dachi
ONE *bestfriend* (RIP already)
ONE beloved blood-brother, Ken
ONE most sayang blood-brother, Joe
ONE true god-sister, Mandy
some Friends
many strangers

friend:
RIP LOL..so funny...

jave:
aih, it's UNFORTUNATE~ that he R.I.P. already

friend:
AHAHAHAHA.... dao dao...u ah..funny guy...

jave:
RIP = rest in peace ; also can mean "rise in power" ; also can mean "random intimacy phobia" ; also can mean "rapist in prison" ; also can mean "running interesting plots" ; etc

friend:
But i got one bro... which sayang me alot..

jave:
i'm sorry i can't be.. but i am to Mandy when she needs xD
so sayang your sister, means sayang you HALF also lo

friend:
WHY sayang me half?!

jave:
i'm a genius owh baybehz~
you are sister with mandy ma
means HALF only lo, you NOT mandy ma
see mandy and vicky BOTH also got "ee" at the back
but Man and Vick different
so means HALF =D
smart ham~
Mandy is my god-sis, you is my Friend lo

friend:
LOL ya ur friend..and saYAng me half..LOL

jave:
actually not half ar
half also don't have
i think quarter also maybe don't have

friend:
dint sayANg me pun LOL

jave:
because my heart don't know why cannot open already
the Lock spoil liao lahs
must go repair first...
so .... only 2 person punya Love mission left locked inside
others all evacuated during the last "crisis" ... see i so good, i evacuate you all first =x

friend:
hahaha...when u repair...rmb to have a key...dont lost it o... if not it will never open

jave:
flower wither, no water =(

friend:
then i make sure it wil bloom one day

jave:
but at least hor, you all still got a QUARTER left you know
haih....

now the storage LOW in supply la~ mou ban fatt lo.... when a kingdom falls in times of "crisis" memang like that one right?
so you must bear a bit...... if you all cannot bear want leave the kingdom for a better one also can~
=)
i'm a GOOD king~ ^^ , i no let my people suffer *perasan*
hahaha

friend:
I understand that..coz..i have been thru it...and tht time no one is wit me...

jave:
i call people show you all who want to leave the way to the best Kingdom.
there you will not lack... the supply is Eternity, the Prosperity cannot be compared~

i suppose i've put more blood into Loving friend and lover than many did.. for that amount of blood-lost, and yet stricken by TWO of my (apart from my family) MOST Loved & MOST trusted people at the same time, from the same direction..

supply already not enough, some-more must let people from INSIDE destroy... then burn my kingdom...

fire fire fire... screams screams screams... shouts shouts shouts...
until nothing was left... only ashes of every pieces burned...

i fell unconscious... mind was too weak to think... because blood lost was too severe.

For the lot of blood i used to offer, what exchanged in return was a body full of cuts, so deep that it cannot remain the way it once looked like

that body is dead... that heart beats no more. i looked at the ruin of my kingdom, my worry was only the lacking supplies for the remaining citizens...

it was a hard decision i have to make. if i keep them, we all die... so i have to evacuate them from the city, and re-locate them at the country-side where lands are nourished by Nature itself... i let them be, because i couldn't even help myself.

So i sent out a messenger to tell the word: "Whoever wishes to stay may stay, but bear with the lack of supplies ; whoever wishes to leave may leave, for there are better lands to go."

the message was simple, but how many understood? For some left quietly, some left with grievance , and yet some left with words of despise.

so i decided to cover the city with a transparent protective wrapper, i thought it would need it...
it fended off some riots, can't blame them, it is a time of "crisis"...
however some just managed to penetrate through the protective wrapper, aimed straight into the city's center, and STAB! STAB! STAB!

now the one who tried to hide inside in his shame, is left bleeding without aid... it continues to bleed... continues to weaken...

how long more, until he finishes his last suppplies? When will help come?

he waits... as he continue to bleed.
=D

THE END~ *clap hands*


friend:
help will come with own heart that is strong..
* applause* very nice touching story

jave:
LOL the way i talk xD
when it comes to FULL expression of every detail
but all still remain symbolistic

friend:
*cries* touch touch... LOL yes... but it's a good one.

jave:
city is the heart
riots are "hurting words from friends"
xD

friend:
True frenz ...hurts u when it comes to truth, fake frenz..talk sweet words..u choose?

jave:
for every wound, there's a certain limit to its opening... some heals on its own, some heals but over a period of time, but some are too wide open that EXTERNAL AID / SURGERY is required or it will not be able to close-up on its own.

Truth of course... but that's just on the "words" only... however the BASIS of "words" is different
the BASIS of words spoken comes from the perception and judgment made individually...

if one has only searched but a small path within a jungle, he cannot draw a full map of it, and thus cannot represent claims of the undiscovered paths; however there are some who always claim more than what they've realized.

without knowing what the consequences of one small action can bring... like a cigarette discarded at a path that has yet to be searched but claimed to be known, however tragically it happens to be a ground of dry leaves so it burns

and soon before anyone realizes it, a Forest Fire is taking place. Eventually the trackers who intend to search and draw a map of the jungle so that the "lost" may find their way, instead destroyed the whole jungle in one irresponsible & unthoughtful act of careless pride.

friend:
hehehe.... true also

jave:
i got some friends ask me go write book
LOL many times already... just not my interest

friend:
i just feel that...this heart of urs...needs time...and a strong heart...If GOD put u to it, he will pull u through it...

jave:
i'll try to hold onto that String =)

friend:
haha yes..u can write a bOOK....d..must be interesting u know

jave:
ya mehs
people will all be wondering
what kind of Kingdom Romance is this
LOL the story of "Kingdom Hearts Romance"

friend:
HEy i like kIngdom hearts romance
that sounds nice
LOL

jave:
ok... "Chronicles of Kingdom Hearts Romance"
LOL~

PaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaRTNERs bliss~

she said,

"My dear partner, What happened to you? I just finish reading your blog.. Well, if you really don't feel like saying it it's fine. (: But if you need to express anything don't hesitate to find me kay. =) i'm not good in consoling but at least i'm good in listening."

T-T~ thank youuuuuuuuuuuu........ my beloved partner-chan~ xD


i'll find the key, give me few years okay..
i hope i don't have to take that long.. LOL!
but i cannot force my way through~
i got ANTI-SOCIAL-WANNABE but "currently" social 的 friend~!! =D

so FaaarrNie~ xD


like i said, i'll help you smile.. (see below)






















see i'm so good to you RIGHT~ i make you smile
=D

so my theory is correct, i HELP you simle first, then you make me smile because i successfully help you smile. so in the end, i make you smile!

LOL! what kind of theory is it... hahaha...


i want to hope, but not now..
let's SMILE~ =D